One morning we had a meeting with about 10 people from our start-up. Pitching in ideas, waving hands, connecting the dots - I thought I was on fire amid my soliloquy - riding my train of thought to the far horizon like a legendary cowboy of true innovation. Albeit having lost the track of time I was assured of steering us all onto a yearned common destiny. Had I read the room, there was probably signs of the audience’s patience running thin: a lot of eye blinking, shifting looks, and maybe even slight gnashing of teeth. As if accelerating past a series of increasingly frequent flashing warning lights telling the road is ending I steemed ahead. Nearing the end of my talk, I prepared mentally for a couple of enthusiastic fist bumps or at least some approving head-nods. Then nothing - a resounding and awkward silence. The rail-road bridge had been blown up from beneath me and – as if reminiscent of Buster Keaton’s silent movie scene – I felt my thought-train crashing down in slow motion.
In Finnish culture, similarly to having 20 names for different stages of snow, people use myriad nuances of silence to communicate. The Finnish rail-road map with its varying nuances of silence seemed complex.
Then I had a turning point as I read from a redditor:
Should it be said...
Should it be said by me...
Should it be said by me right now...
It is basically just the old proverb “silence is golden”, but extends the blanket statement in clumsy poem form to also seize moments when it counts to speak up.
This lead to a major change in my work behaviour. I know this due to the explicit appraisal I have received for this change, and I have been included in decisions and decisive group work since. It was significant.
In my serendipity I found, that this tests hidden confirmation biases by evaluating that the group can reach an agreeable solution without constant cueing. Sometimes we’re not on the same page and it doesn’t matter how much you spoil the plot while trying to fast track the process, because they won’t understand the narrative unless they read the whole story - did the journey - like you did. After all, even if you had all the answers, they won’t convey unless the individuals of the group come to the same conclusions. Also, as the group reasons through the steps as an ensemble, it sticks.
And vice versa - often I find I had a different view of things and realize there are other ways that I had not thought of, and which fit the group better.
I’ve realized that the time and the place matters. We can focus deeply only on a few things at once, and meaningful thought takes that kind of focus. Often, it is better to keep quiet. In that narrow window of attention, what you say can compete with what you mean.
So I ask myself often: Should it be said? By me? Right now?